Very kindly, Claire asked me last night if I'd like a bath, at the right temperature this time. It sounded perfect, and ten minutes later I was lowering myself in. It didn't live up to what I was imagining - I felt hot and restless. The shower attachment then focused my attention. It had clearly exploded during the running of the bath, blowing out a large chunk of rubber. I think that the kind person who ran the bath - let's call her 'Clara'* - may have forgotten my series of powerpoint talks on Water Pressure and its Effects on Shower Attachments, and run the cold tap on its own**.
This would mean a) having to buy a new shower attachment (Argos £17.99 - explosions not covered by the guarantee) and fit it next day, and b) making do with a Charlie Potter stand-up jungle wash instead of a shower after my run next morning***. Even more restless now, I got out after five minutes.
This morning, Layla**** told me that she was on the loo just feet away when the explosion happened. It followed hissing that got louder and louder, and she thought the world was going to end.
So that's me finished with baths. They aren't pleasant - they're uncomfortable, sometimes painful - even potentially fatal - and expensive. If you ever see me getting into a bath, shoot me*****.
*Not her real name
**Damn - I hope that wasn't too close to her real name
***Oh no, I've accidentally mentioned her real surname now
****Not her real name
*****Hang on a minute ... what are you doing in my bathroom with a loaded gun?