Thursday, 5 June 2014

Number 20 update

Derek stops off at a café in Wolverhampton on the way up to Lancashire, and selects a beef and onion pie. 'Shall I tip the gravy all over your food or not?' 'Yes please' says Derek, who likes to live a little.

After a gruelling journey, he poses proudly in his first youth hostel porch ...
'What a splendid organisation!' says Derek, who is of limited means himself. 
'My goodness, this sea air has made me hungry!' announces Derek. A chicken jalfrezi outside Ye Old Fighting Cocks is just the job.
But then Derek trips and 'falls' into a glass of snakebite. Oh dear - we had been warned about this.
'Don't go out on the sand, Derek!' we shout, 'It's very dangerous!' 'Don't give a ****,' says Derek. 'Try stopping me.'
Unfortunately, Derek seems a little belligerent after his accident. 'Which of you ***** wants to fight me?'
We calm him down and persuade him to climb the Knott. 'Jesus, my ******* chest is ******* heaving. Has NO ****** got a fag?' 
And there's still time before bed to borrow a fellow hosteller's car. 'Cheers, Kelvin, that was ******* ace - did a ton round ******* Windermere'.
The next morning Derek is a little bleary-eyed.  We take him down to The Posh Sardine in Arnside for a strong cup of coffee. 'It's a little bit drizzly today, isn't it,' he points out.   
But he's a game little fellow, and tackles the rugged walk to Silverdale. 'Oh, aren't the plants high!' he exclaims.
'Oh dear - I'm rather scared of heights!'
'What perfectly lovely views!' gasps Derek in awe.
Made it at last. 'Let's have a nice cup of tea,' suggests Derek sensibly.
In a jaunty mood on the train, Derek wears his cap 'Robin Hood style'.
Next day it's off to Morecambe. 'Oh my, what a beautiful sandy beach!' enthuses Derek.
He enjoys strolling along the front, and browsing the second-hand bookshop. 'Some jolly exciting books in here,' he comments.
 Then Derek disappears for an hour. Where can he be? 
Oh there he is, in a shop. He's playing the giddy goat. 'I wondered when you'd raise your ugly ******* head,' he says.
'Can't get any ******* sense out of these ******** - they appear to be ******* idiots,' appraises Derek.
Next morning, he has to say goodbye to his little holiday friend. 
'What a perfectly wonderful mini-break I've had!' ejaculates Derek.


Molly Potter said...

Posted at 04.55. Has Derek been keeping you up?

Molly Potter said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Molly Potter said...

I am assuming this is a language exercise and I am to put appropriate adjectives in the gap.
Can't get any real sense out of these sweets - they appear to be right idiots,' appraises Derek. Please mark.

Molly Potter said...

Only because it told me it couldn't be published so I did it again.

jim_greenan said...

As you know, his snakebites are a worry.

Claire Potter said...

Derek! Chips twice in one day?! That's not very Youth Hostel. Hope you had fruit on your muesli in the morning.

jim_greenan said...

Excellent work - 3/3

Blighty said...

That Derek is a very naughty little chap.